Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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