This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
