you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
