My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
