party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
