He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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