I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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