how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize