Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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