Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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