I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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