dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
