I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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