So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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