can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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