I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
