She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
