You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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