I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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