what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
