Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
