And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
