there's paper in my vomit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize