So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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