He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
