I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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