i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
