You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
