in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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