Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
