Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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