don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
