I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
