Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You've changed since you got that strap on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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