Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
