PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
