He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
