I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
