I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
