His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The Olympian is in my bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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