i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
