I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
