maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
