I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize