They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
