didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
