she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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