I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize