I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
