i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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