he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
