I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
