Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dignity is for republicans.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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