All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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