she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
