I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
