the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
