Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
