The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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