Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's like iHOP with fire
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
