and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
