I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
