Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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