She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im part way to drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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