if i can run in heels then i can drive
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
