I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
