I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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