Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
