I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
