I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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