You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize