She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
