ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
