he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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