Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
