Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
