I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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