Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
