i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
