So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
