I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
