At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize