I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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