Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
