Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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