you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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