i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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