Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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