Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
