I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize