You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
