i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
