i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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