i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
