its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
