So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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