I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
