Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
