There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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