Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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