You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
